The Physichronicles

I should admit that musical play is not really my cup of tea. Yet, I was somehow moved by the pamphlet I received early this year about the Synod of Presbyterian Church in Singapore’s grand plan of coming up with musical play for this year’s Christmas.

I decided to go for audition primarily for 2 reasons: (1) I always want to try out acting. or any performance art in general. In fact, I feel that teaching, my current job, itself is some sort of performance-art (see "The Art of Teaching" posted about a year ago). Thus, it’s good if I can pick up some skills and experience along the way. And, (2) it’s for the first time that the Presbyterian churches in Singapore "combine power" to run this plan. Although, after all they’re still under one denomination, but it’s a good sign that God’s people, despite their church background, are working together. I personally think that in the future we, Christians, need to do this sort of combined effort more often… one that involves, if possible not only just the Presbyterians, but also God’s people from other denominations. After all, don’t we worship the same God, believe in the same Jesus, and guided by the same Holy Spirit?

Well, putting that aside, I was very fortunate to have a chance to learn basic drama skills from the Covenant Players last Saturday. In this 6-hour workshop, I learnt 7 basic skills in play:

Line ownership. Line ownership is more than merely memorizing the line. A good actor is not acting of the character, but he is being the character. As an illustration, think of something you are familiar with, say, your name. You can answer almost immediately if someone asks your name, or your date of birth. How about your phone number? Well, if it’s an old number, you also can answer it immediately. However, if you just got the number few hours back, it needs sometime for you to recall. This is a matter of "second nature", i.e. your name is second nature to you. You do not need to spend hours a day intentionally try to memorize your name… but you hear it often when someone’s calling you (for sure, it had to be started by your parents), you mention it often, you write it down often (Gosh!!! Guess, how many forms I have to fill up here in Singapore every month? =P)…. and yeah, it is now part of you. You can’t forget your name for sure… well, unless you get a brain-damage ^_^ 

Same thing as in play. Of course it’s going to be kind of difficult initially… but with consistent practice and hardwork, it should come second nature to you eventually. Once it is so, you can converse during the play as if it were a real day-to-day conversation… even if the stage collapses suddenly during the play, you can still go on. I think that’s the reason, why those actors/actresses can sometime recall their lines even years after their actual play.

Eye communication. Your eyes can defy what your mouth says, as you can see someone’s lying by looking at his eyes. What happens in the real-life is also happens on the stage. The audience should be able to see your face, they should be able to see your eyes as well. One one side, it means that you should be careful; you can’t act "angry" while your eyes stares blankly if you were trying to recall your lines (which brings us back to the importance of line ownership as discussed above).

However, avoid personal eye-contact with the audience for doing so means inviting the audience into the play, that is, to make them as part of the play. Thus, the trick is to focus your gaze to points at the audience’s neck-level or fore-head level. You can’t completely gaze too way up to the ceiling or too way down to the floor, because the audience should have to be able to see your eyes despite yours can’t see theirs.

Diction. 3 most important things to have a good pronounciation: the lips, the teeth, and the tip of your tounge (well, repeat that for 10 times, and feel the movement of every single muscle in your mouth). Very often that you have to say your lines really fast (for example, when you’re acting "angry" or "panicking"). Yet, the audience should still be able to distinguish your articulation. The key is in warming-up. Very much like you’re doing sport which requires you to warm-up beforehand, you also have to warm-up all your lips, jaw and tounge muscle.

One trick which was taught to improve your diction is to practice saying your lines while biting chopsticks, and yet people still have to be able to understand what you are saying. When you have chopsticks stuck there, you are forced to say thing slower and pay attention to every single vowels and consonants, curling and squeezing up your tounge here and there to produce a well-articulated words.

Projection. Projection is not the same as shouting/yelling. Yelling makes use your throat muscle, and hence, you can sustain the loudness for too long (how long can yell before you get sore-throat?). Furthermore, by yelling your voice will naturally goes toward higher pitch, which make difficult audience difficult to distinguish your articulation (can you understand what soprano sings in opera?). Projection uses of diaphragm muscle, pushing the air out while making use the upper body as air-column as resonance-box (very much like a pipe organ). Thus your voice is going to be loud and clear at the same time.

Body control. The way you walk… they way you speak… the way you make your gesture… those should reflect the character you are playing as. A servant should not speak like a master, neither a soldier behaves like a general. While you are on stage, you have to maintain the habits of your character consistently… if he is limping, foe example, then make sure that he always limps with the same leg, in the same style.

Body movement. The stage is divided into 9 sections, very much like tic-tac-toe board. The 1st-line sections (nearest to the audience) is called down-stage, the 2nd-line sections is called center-stage, while the last-line sections (nearest to backstage) is called up-stage. If you were the actor standing exactly at the center of the stage on the stage facing the audience, the column sections on you right is called right-stage, while the column sections on your left is called left-stage (i.e. the left and right direction on the stage is defined according to the actors position when facing the audience). Thus, if you were the direction facing the stage, the bottom-left corner is called down-right stage, while the top-right corner is called up-left stage.

When you are moving around the stage during the play, you have to make sure that the audience can see you, especially your expressions. That means, you can’t show your back to the audience… avoid looking at each other face to face unless the storyline demands such intense conversation (it is called confrontation position in play), because that will imply that audience can at most see your side-view only. Thus, in most cases, your position should remain neutral, i.e. if you are standing on the left stage, you should face somewhere at right far-end corner of the hall, and vice versa, if you are standing on the right stage, then you should face left far-end corner of the audience, as such that most of the audience can see your and your partner’s faces.

Extra attention should also be given when walking around on the stage, especially when turning around, as to ensure that you do not turn around with your up-stage leg (i.e. leg which is nearer to the up-stage) as a pivot. Doing so will guarantee some moment when you show your back to the audience. Instead, always use your down-stage leg as a pivot and shift your up-stage leg around in such a way that audience can always see your face even when you are turning around.

Characterization. When you are on-stage, you are no longer you. You are one of the characters. There is no role too small. No matter how trivial someone’s role on the stage, even if she just need to come, collapse and lying on the stage throughout the whole scene, it’s still significance… even if you just "one of the crowds" doing the shouting or menial labor, you are part of the play. Hence, it’s very important that you have to be in your characters consistently on-stage, right from the moment you step to the stage till you disappear into the backstage.

While pouring after scores of my old notes and textbooks, in preparation for my very first formal seminar to SPS, on the topic of Least Action Principle which eventually leads to the famous Euler-Lagrange equation in classical mechanics, I can’t help but to be amazed by nature’s way of doing stuff.

Why does an apple fall? well, Newton’s quest to find the answer to this questions led him to his discovery of gravity, and thus his famous Newton’s gravitational theory. But , had he asked himself: "why does an apple fall that way?"… hmmm, I think he would have discovered even more, perhaps even beyond his Newton’s 3 laws.

What is so peculiar about the way an apple falls? Okie, before I continue, let’s assume that we are dealing with an ideal situation here, where there is no dissipative forces (e.g. air resistance) involved. Thus, It starts with zero speed, and get accelerated all the time, before it finally hits the ground with at its maximum speed attainable. Why does it not decelerate somewhere along the way? Or why does it not accelerate, attain a a certain speed somewhere along the way and maintain a constant speed all the way to the ground? (In fact, it should be the case when you take air resistance into account in a more realistic model)… and it goes on and on, but the thing here is that: nature prefers a certain way in doing stuff. If 1000 apples drop (at the same time or at different time, it doesn’t matter), they will all drop exactly in the same manner.

Now, a more detail study will reveal that nature will always prefer a path whereby when you take the kinetic energy of the system minus away the potential energy of the system at all time, and sum-up all the differences (this is what physicists’  call as "action"), the summation of the difference between kinetic energy and potential energy will always be minimum. In other words, if I go back to my illustration of falling apple, there are infinitely many ways an apple could fall…  it could fall with constant speed through… it could fall while being accelerated all the time… it could fall with all sort of acceleration and deceleration… But, along the way, if you can compute the apple’s kinetic energy minus away the apple’s potential energy, and sum all these differences up altogether, only in the case where the apple falls with constant acceleration, this summation will give you minimum value.

Now, I think this is something profound. First of all, as I said just now: Mother Nature does not just behave anyhow… she does recognize optimization in doing stuff, and she follows a certain rule that leads here to an optimal value. Splendid!!! But, who sets the rules? Who tells her to go that way, instead of this way? Does it come by a trial-and-error kind of thing, i.e. she tells herself, "let’s try this… then, that… and see which one gives me the optimum value. I will then choose that one". Hmmm…. possibly… but such an analogy assume an inner intelligence from Mother Nature’s side to decide which one is better for her. Who gives this intelligence?

Well, I can keep on asking… but, eventually, I’m sure that I won’t be able to find the answer from nature itself. Instead, I find the answer in the glory and grace of God’s Father, who I believe with all my mind and my heart is the Grand Designer of Mother’s Nature herself. Despite objections and arguments, I find Least Action Principle as a straigforward consequence of Intelligent Design… which propels my motivation to study nature even more, just to fulfill my own "selfish" curiosity ^_^

I started with a "falling apple" example… an example from mechanics. But I have no difficulty finding other traces, where Nature is always trying to optimize something. Thanks to all my SPS students who point out a few example to me: the size of cell in in such a way that area-to-volume ratio is maximum (i.e. largest area as possible to speed-up absorption/excretion in and out of cell, yet it shouldn’t grow so big in volume that it becomes "obese"), that photon is always following the curve of space-time fabric in order to go from one point to another in the shortest time possible, or atomic arrangement in molecules which ensures the energy of the molecules to be at the lowest state possible which, in turn, ensures stability of the molecule… and the list goes on and on…

I guess my study of science does stengthen my faith in some way ^_^

cheers in Him

As I spent the pass 2 days going through the stack of "classified" old SPS files… most of them dated as far as mid 1995… I came to know many thoughts and parties involved behind the initiation of the program.

It seems that it all started with the idea of setting up so-called Talent Development Program across the university, following similar "special" programs in University of British-Columbia and Massachusset Institute of Technology. And, thus, starting 1996, TDP started with students coming from all over faculties (yeah, there is Science TDP, Engineering TDP, FASS TDP, Business TDP, and even Law TDP). Starting in 1999, though, all these TDP programs merged and evolved to what is known as University Scholar Program (USP) nowadays… all except one, i.e. Science TDP, which later changed its name into Special Program in Science, a.k.a SPS.

I can see a lot of debate and "political maneuver" behind the merging of all the TDPs… and also the reason as why Science TDP chose to remain as it  was… and it is still today. One of the  main reason is that, all TDP/USP students would be required to take all varieties of modules, be it science subjects or humanity subjects. Many of science students, who sucks at humanities subjects, would opt to join only Science TDP/SPS, rather than USP. However, TDP/USP are supposed to be the primary program, having the full support from the university. Despite of the fact that both programs were originated from the same background, I can still see the discrimination between USP and SPS at this moment… the most obvious one will a guaranteed on-campus accommodation without the needs of ECA points for all USP students… a privilege that SPS students do not have. But what can we say? After all, USP is the apple of university’s eyes, as it was initially planned… while SPS, is more like a "rebellious" kid ^_^

More shocking to me, however, is the kind-of people that TDP admitted initially. The program was just started.. there was no so-called senior mentors or junior mentors who interviewed the first batch of TDP students. Hence, the interview was conducted by a panel of professors. The interviewee were selected from the best of the best in top intakes’ list, i.e. high-flyers who bagged many distinctions… and the first batch of SPS mentors.. my gosh!!! Those were first-class almost-perfect CAP scorers. Those who, upon admission, didn’t perform as well as expected, might be put into probation, and possibly had to leave the program if there was still no improvement in subsequent semester.

Come to think of it… had I joined TDP in those early years, I would have been belong to those in the "kick-out" list. I joined SPS in 2001, but only after I failed my interview (and hence I was among the rejects initially… well, they gave me a second chance, though, and I was admitted eventually). Yet, after that my grade had been detoriating  like a falling star… from 4.6, I finally graduated with 3.78…it was 0.02 below the minimum requirement to get into Honors year in the first place =P… Yeah, with such poor performance, I should have left SPS according to the program’s requirement.

But I didn’t ^_^ …

Benazir Bhutto died!! Assassinated!! Shot twice before the
assassin blew himself up, killing some other dozens along. It’s all over the
headlines, and you can’t miss it. Her father, Ali Bhutto, was hanged… her 2
brothers were assassinated… and now is her turn. So much of bloodshed for a
single family line to handle, I would say. 

I never paid much attention to her political agenda. I only
know that she is a charismatic leader, moderate-minded, pro-democratic with the
idea of modern Pakistan in her mind. For that reason, many love her as much as others hate her.

As usual… world leaders condemn the assassination… people around
the world start finger-pointing who’s behind the scene…would it be a smart plot
by the current executive’s top-secret organization to maintain status quo?… was
the assassin hired by one of Bhutto’s political contenders?… Or, a more
common speculation: another work of Al-Qaeda or some other anti-woman-leadership,
fundamentalist hard-liners… 

Ssighh… I don’t know! I don’t want to know anyway! I only
know that 27^th of December has been marred by another horrible
bloodshed… just 2 days after Christmas, where the messages of peace and joy are
still pervading everyone’s mind. I only know that many will shed their tears
for her… her close relatives, her best friends, her supporters…

And I only know that God is crying in despair… to see
another terrible loss of human being… to see how His images kill each other endlessly…
    

May God bless the Pakistanis and teach us to forgive each
other

It is a big big taboo to talk about death at one’s birthday occasion… or when someone just celebrated his birthday. Yet, this never works for Andreas Dewanto. To him, birthday is always a reminder… that he is getting near to his death by another year….

NAW!!! Andreas Dewanto is not afraid of death. Death is a liberation: a liberation from his corrupted world… a liberation from his sinful body… a liberation from physical chores. Death is a beginning… a beginning of eternity.

Yet, Andreas Dewanto concerns with the way his death… to brave the grave in grace and peace is his last wish… that…

… He could die in pain, never in vain; for pain what he bears always, but to die in vain is the waste of a life-time

… He could die in fight, never in fright; for fight what he lives for always, but fright is the sign of weakness

… He could die in flame, never in fame; for flame what he keeps always always, but fame begets arrogance

… He could die in destitute, never in solitude; for destitute what he overcomes always, but solitude torments the mind and the soul

… He could die in satisfaction, never in supplication; for satisfaction what he acquires always, but supplication is the seed of greed

… He could die in faith, never in flight; for faith what he hold always, but flight is an act of betrayal

… He could die redeemed, never doomed; for what death worths for, if the soul is damned in eternity

… for to Andreas Dewanto, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Amen.   

9th of August is Singapore’s national day. Although Indonesia is still my home country on de jure, I can’t help but to feel Singapore as my home country on de facto. Afterall, although I have only spent 7 years of my life in Singapore so far, I feel that I have undergone so much "revolution" in myself, in my characters, in my lifestyle, in my thinking, in my wordlview, in my idealism, but luckily not in my faith =)… for sure I’m making more friends here in the past 7 years, than I was in my first 19 years back in Indonesia. In fact, I’m seriously thinking of whether I should just change my citizenship and become a Singaporean (read my blog on "Should I become a Singaporean?")… especially when looking back at Indonesia, it’s just… errmm… well… so hopeless down there…

Singapore is arguably a country with the fastest growth in the world. It is just a piece of land whose size people can jog from one end to another end within hours., squeezed in between by two giant countries of Malaysia and Indonesia. It has no natural resources. It even has to import some fundamental elements like water from Malaysia, or sand from Indonesia. It is so fragile that a single tsunami attack at the scale of the one happened in Aceh at the end of 2004 could easily wipe it out without a trace. As Lee Kuan Yew said, while other nations fight for their independence throughout the history, Singapore is the only country whose independence was forced upon it, as if it were a rejected God-forsaken island right from beginning. And thus when it just started,it barely had nothing to survive. Yet, in just 4 decades, it has developed from nothing to really something.

This, I think, is contributed by a few factors. Firstly, its small size… make it easy to govern and keep watch… and secondly is its strategic location at the end Malaysian peninsula, right at the turning point for major vessels who cross from Indian Ocean and South China Sea, making Singapore’s port to be one of the busiest in the world.  And thirdly, I guess it’s also due to its mostly Chinese population. Well, you know… I always think that Chinese and Jews are the two races on the earth, whom no matter where you throw them to, they will always likely  to thrive. I guessed, fueled by the fact that they are usually being at disadvantage most of the time, they have developed the strategy and attitude which are crucial for their survival. As a result, within 4 decades, Singaporeans have managed to transform this barren island into a "city of possibilities", as the NDP theme this year suggests.

Yet, not everything about Singapore worths commendation afterall. For one thing, the city-state has grown up so fast that even its own citizens barely catch up. Stressful… overcompetitive… overtime work… due deadlines… oh well, I guess those are words used to describe the working environment here. I wonder how many Singaporeans (if there is still any in the first place) who truly enjoy their workplace, despite the economic boom… or the high national growth product… or whatever econ jargon that Singaporean government invents to show its success.

Well, put that aside… (I believe, such working environment is almost the same in every industrialized country around the globe anyway)… the phrase "city of possibilities" itself has become an irony (at least) to me. What sort of possibilities that Singapore could offer? Mmmmm…. better job opportunity and career prospect. Well, I guess this should one of the answers, for so many foreigners are pouring in to Singapore (including myself ^_^). Yet,as the saying goes: "Nice to see, nice to touch. Once broken, consider sold", I guess that reflects the feeling of foreigners who come to Singapore because of the "nice" things it can promise, once they are in the system,  tunring back may no longer be an option and instead, it’s just grumbling work day after day… oh yeah, I’m serious… I’m can definitely mention names among my Indo friends who experience this ^_^

So… back to the question: what other possibilities? The possibiliy to open an intregrated resort (a.k.a. casino… a.k.a. gambling den) in Marina Bay… the possibility to watch F1 racing across City Hall… or… the possibility to legitimize gay couple in Singapore. Oh, well, I do not want to dwelve so much into socio-ethical impact of all these policies… but one thing I just wanna point out: if we pay attention into the motivation behind, it’s all for the sake of economic development… or to put it in layman term: making more money. It’s pretty obvious how introducing IR and F1 racing would boost up the economy in term of foreign investment. Yet, the government has gone so far as to argue that gays could be the source of arts talents which could further bosst up the conomy through their artistic and aesthetic sense. I’m not sure whether it’s true… perhaps it is…

Well, good and bad… there is no perfect nation in this world afterall. Despite all the ongoing debates in the parliament and in the society, I’m quite happy settling down here. To me, the "city of possibilities" offers me the opportunity to try out new things that I don’t think I would ever have a chance to try back in my hometown… healthier lifestyle… interesting and dynamic job of teaching in NUS… unique yet loveable and funloving friends and students… and still many more.

Thus, it’s all back to personal conscience. The "city of possibilities" indeed offers all kind of possibilities… both good and bad… you pick yorself lorhh ^o^

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!!

The weather pattern has totally gone hay-wire in the past few weeks. Shouldn’t May to August is the dry season period? Yet I barey see any blue sky in the past weeks. In fact, at the time I’m writing this blog, the sky is already cloudy dark, a sign of impending heavy rain… right in the middle of dry season where the sun are supposed to be glaring.

Is it another indication of global warming? Yes! I think it is, and as a conservationist, the danger of global warming is as much worrying as the danger of extinction. Yet ironically, many still do not believe that we are going toward the destruction of our home planet because of our own intelligence… and selfishness… and arrogance… and stupidity. Yes, men is perhaps the most ironic species among the member of animal kingdom.

You wanna me to give an example? Okie, very easy… in fact this is happening in my won house, to my own housemate… and probably to yours also. I never understand why this housemate of mine like to blast the aircon until the room is so cold that he has to use blanket to cover himself, while the temperature outside is more or less the same as the temperature inside the blanket. Why don’t just switch the aircon off and sleep without the blanket? Or if the wethaer is indeed hot and the air is too stuffy, would a simple table fan not do? How much energy is wasted every night for this simple act of stupidity?

And all for the sake of getting comfort. Yeah!! My housemate says that he feels comfortable sleeping with blanket… but polar bear is suffering because of losing its habitat. If everyone in the world thinks like my housemate, there is little wonder why some parts of the world are flooded, while at the same time the other parts are in drought. Eventually, human will pay for the price for their own selfishness… ssiiigghhhh……. such an irony for the so-called most intelligent living creature on the world.

Ok! I definitely should remember this date… at least for the next few years… until I discover another day where I can be more suay than today. Yeah, I can’t recall when I have been more suay than today.

Woke up at 6 AM, it was raining heavily and I was going to go for my Mizuno Wave running… jia lat!!! I was going to run under the torrents, I thought. And the soft warm bed were so tempted that I almost went back to sleep… but at the end I finally managed to give  myself a kick and went out. Well, it was 6.45 AM in the morning by then and the weather wasn’t getting better. The competition was held in Temasek Poly, while I am staying in Pasir Panjang…   and it was going to start at 7.30. So definitely I wouldn;t be able to make it on time by bus. So I had to take cab.

Well, there I was. Waiting beside the road under the rain… I was wearing my Stan Char singlet while the wind blew quite hard… as a result I was getting cold and soaked (the umbrella didn’t help much apperently). Well, I though I only needed to wait for few minutes for the cab to arrive. Instead, I spent almost 50 minutes waiting for the cab… Well, what do you think? I know it’s Sunday and it’s quite difficult to get the cab on Sunday. But, come on!!! Even in the most ulu place in Singapore, you can still get a cab… and I was standing beside the highway.

So yeah, indeed many cabs passed by. Mostly were "on call" or "hired", but there were still empty cabs… 5 of them, in fact. And none stopped! No matter how frantic I waved my hand they just sped by, as if I weren’t there at all. Gimme a break!!!

At the end, after the fifth empty cab passed by, I gave up… it’s already more than 7.30 by then. The running had started while I was still more than 30-40 km away from the place. I walked back home and went back to bed >_<… ssiigghhh. 5 cabs!!! Can you imagine that?! If the driver decided not to take any more passanger, at least switch off the darned light lar… otherwise, give me hope when I saw them far away just to sped away under my nose. Kenasai!!!!Bassskeettt!!!

But, that’s not the end of my suay day yet! Coz this afternoon I was ministering as a pianist for my church congregation. For reasons that I also can’t point out exactly… well, perhaps due to half day-dreaming, half sleepy… I started playting the third song off-key. I didn’t know why, because I had no problem with that song before during practice… but somehow, I just started playing it with the wrong key (and I only realized this later, in fact), yet my brain wasn’t used to play the song in that key, and a result I cock up the whole song. Jia lat! Kena malu again lorrhh… sighhh…

My deepest condolence to Thaddeus Cheong, who just died recently from heart-attack (I presume) after finishing a full-triathlon at the third place. Well, frankly, I never knew him until his death became the main headlines in today’s June 25 Strait Times. But as a fellow inspired-to-be triathlete, I personally think that there is no better way to end up one’s life rather than die fighting. In fact, for his case, he managed to finish his battle. I just hope that he died a painless and contentful death, knowing that he has done his best in his life.   

On the other side of the story, I’m again reminded by the fragility of life. Many think that they are in the prime-time of their life… many think that they are at the peak of their performance… and others would agree. But, it’s not their will be done, but Thy will be done. Thus, never take anything for granted, but in everything always give thanks.

Well, rest in peace Thaddeus. If we do have a chance to meet up in heaven, perhaps we can have a jog or two together ^_^

Six years ago I entered NUS full of ambition and pride: I would do double-majors in physics and math, to be in the dean’s list every semester, and graduate from NUS with first-class honor with all the awards I could think of. Apart from that I still wanted to be active in Sheares (the hall of residents I lived in my first year), so that I could stay there throughout my 4 years of study…. in short, I was a little man with a lot of passion and confidence, yet I was greedy, ambitious, brazen but arrogant, and… well, literally a smart-ass ^_^ I guess… Yeah, that was me years ago.

Then I found in my matriculation package, a pamphlet… advertising about this Special Program in Science (SPS). The program promised me with a series of seminars and research opportunities… working closely with those well-known professors at the frontier of science…. discovering or solving problems worths world-class publication. Wow! "This is cool!!", I thought.

Science has been my passion for long… I always imagine myself of graduating with a full-fledge honors in since, pursuing my further study all the way to PhD, landing on some world-class university or research institute, and working my way through to Nobel Prize eventually… (well, did I tell you that I was so cocky just now? Indeed I did, and sometimes I love to entertain myself with those thoughts even now actually ^_^)

But most importantly, the word "special" is the one excite me the most: joining the program meant I was special, something which would distinguish me from the rest of my classmates. So I went for interview, and 2 weeks later the result was out. Well, guess what? I was REJECTED!!! Oh well, I was disappointed. in fact, I had to admit that it did land quite a blow to me. Was I now good enough? Did my grade not show that I was special? Ah, who cares? Who needs SPS anyway? I could still excel in my physics class, do my double-degree, get to Dean’s list, blah blah blah… Well, obviously the rejection barely made a dent to my pride.

Then the semester started. And soon after, I realized I had set my expectation a way too high. With hall activities, I could barely keep up with my study. But, in short, I managed to survive my first semester in NUS with just Second Upper… with a few "sad" realization: (1) first-class honors was definitely beyond my reach, (2) forget about double-degree… single degree is enough to make my world upside-down, and most importantly (3) I wasn’t as smart as I used to think of myself… so wake up your idea!!! Most importantly: humble myself!!! ^_^

But, guess what?! Not everything turned bad… coz out-of-the-blue I was invited to join SPS in the second semester. Yeah!!! I was rejected, and now invited. I had no idea why they changed their mind, but I wouldn’t let the chance slip away. And, thence my life-journey in SPS started… which still lasts till this very moment.

Well, time passed by… Things were happening one after another… Things that slowly but surely changed myself. For one thing, SPS did nurture me to be a researcher, as the program promises. I had my exposure to scientific journals. I had my experience to explore byond my normal curriculum… I even did my very first scientific project in NUS in Biology (I studied how the symmetry of dimeric enzyme affects its functionality). I had my chance to do UROPS for 2 semesters on non-linear dynamics. And I did enjoy every single second I spent with my research… Well, I should proudly say that I managed to score A+ for all my research project. It’s a proof that you score well for doing what you like… and I always say to my students: choose your study subject on what you are interested in (well, I’m an idealist afterall ^_^).

Yet, for another thing, research life is not as smooth as I previously thought.  I spent hours debugging my programs… it took so much of my time and effort… and yet, I experienced failure most of the time.  Although I did manage to get something last minute and score A+ for my research project, my grades for other modules spiraled down the hole ^_^… partly coz I was hooked too much to my research and also because I had no more energy to study properly for my other modules. I grew up reading stories about successful scientists: Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Max Planck, Richard Feynman, etc… hoping that one day my names would be mentioned among their leagues. Well… I realized that they were only a few among thousands of their contemporaries; they were geniuses, while others who were "merely normals" but  and obviously I belong more to the "thousands".

At the same time, SPS mentorship program opens up a new perspective to my life… a career path that never crossed my mind before, but now I’m eternally grateful for my job: teaching. As mentor I was assigned a small discussion group where I was supposed to guide them in their training in scientific culture, which includes discussion on scientific discoveries, ethical codes and social issues in scientific world. In another occasion, I was in charge of conducting tutorials to SPS students.

I found enjoyment and satisfaction through my interaction with these students, more than satisfaction I got from doing pure research. Starting with teaching a small group-of-3, then I was trusted to lead a discussion among 8-10 students in one tutorial group. It was for the first time I realize one important fact: there are many scientists who are also highly-recognized researchers in NUS… these are highly-intelligent and qualified individuals with impressive long-list of publications, conference papers, patent rights, etc… yet, they are NOT a good teacher, they are barely motivating to their students, and the last to be the source of inspiration in mind… they can’t even communicate well in layman term (communicating ideas among peer-researchers is not the same as communicating, say, an idea in basic quantum physics to a freshman whose last formal education in physics is from O-Level >_<). Well, hence goes the saying: you don’t need to be exceptionally smart to be an effective teacher… frankly, I do not 100% agree with the statement. I think you also need to be exceptionally smart to be an exceptional teacher (otherwise, you’ll end up being a "so-and-so", or worse, bad teacher… and there are indeed a lot of their kinds ^_^).

Not only that, at my final year of undergrad time, for some reasons, I was appointed head-mentor, in charge of running day-to-day SPS administration. Again it was a leadership position I would never dream on before (few years before that I would have rejected all sort of involvement with organizations, be that in school or church ministries, simply for I was too afraid that it would do harm to my study… but, things were happening throughout the years that slowly but surely change my view toward life). Admin, paperwork and bureaucracy are things I’m still not get used to it till now, but I guess, everyone just has to live with it. But the most important lesson I learnt in that last year of my undergrad study is the so-called "people-handling".

People-handling is definitely much more complicated that human resource management. Individuals are created with unique characteristics each. And very often these characteristics are opposite to each other… a potential for frictions, quarrels, and even conflicts. Those indeed happen during my term. One thinks so highly of himself… the other thinks that she is not well-appreciated for all the work she has contributed… another one bochup and carefree.. while the other is so meticulous and high-standard. Well, I guess it’s the same everywhere… school, company, research institution, even church ministries… so it up to the leader’s ability to handle all the people tactfullly. Well, it’s definitely not something I could master overnight… how to make people listen to you… how to say things in a politically correct manner (Yes!!! Politics is everywhere)… how to persuade others forcefully yet politely… what to keeps behind a closed door and what to announce publicly… I did stumble many times, and it made it even harder to apply Christian teaching to these mumbo jumbo people-handling business (although, I should admit that it was my faith also that gave me hope and strength). At the end, my CAP dropped miserably from Second Upper to Second Lower… I got B- for my honor project, and I even got D for one my core module… I got no time and energy to study properly during this period… Yet, this 1-year of experience taught me lifetime skills =)

Now it has been more than 2 years since I ended my term as an SPS headmentor. My grade was so bad that I didn’t think I could get a scholarship to continue for advanced study. But, who cares!! After 2 years in the mentorship, I realized that research is not my calling. Teaching is!! So I applied as a Teaching Assistant in Physics Dept, and has been one since then. With my "notorious" background from SPS, I didn’t have any problem getting in the job… cut all the trouble of looking for job, going for job interviews, negotiating for pay, etc etc etc…  Pay is not bad, time is flexible, I can work while serving for my bond, and most important of all, I love my job!!!!! ^_^

Just in the beginning of this semester, there was a change in the board of directors of SPS. The director I used to work with during my term as headmentor left SPS for another position, and the newly-appointed director was new to SPS and not very sure on how things were done in SPS. And, it seems that my "fate" is somehow intertwined with SPS’, for Dean’s Office asked me  to go back to SPS to serve as the coordinator cum vice-director of the program. As a TA, I will usually spend 1 semester (or, 2 semesters at most) with 200 over students, trying my best to inspire and motivate  them within this period, and that’s it! But, being in the leadership of SPS, I will have a chance to accompany the SPS students for at least 3 semesters in consecutive… well, I will be very happy to see them "grow up" and become the source of their inspiration and motivation as much as I’m able to.

Now, everytime I think back about what has been happening to me for the past 6 years… between God, my ego and SPS… I can’t help but to wonder whether this is purely a twist of fate… too good to be true, really… I would rather see this as a way God has predestined my path of life: I was rejected for God wanted me to be humble and less ambitious… I had to humble myself for He had prepared me to be a mentor… through the mentorship, I realized my passion, while at the same time building my lifetime skill… so that I can serve my students well as a TA… all in preparation for a greater power, which implies greater responsibility, to come indeed ^_^